Heartache and empathy…

Until it happens to you can never imagine how you will feel…

This can be said about many things and although we try to empathise with someone in pain we can never truly experience what they are feeling, until it happens to us.

One example of this is miscarriage. I was expecting my third child seven years ago this week, but a scan at 10 weeks revealed there was no heartbeat and so I had to go into hospital to have my baby taken away. This child was a surprise, not planned, and it had taken Big G and me a few weeks to get our heads around it. It finally sunk in with him, whilst waiting for the scan, that this was a baby we were talking about, not a ‘problem’ and the excitement fully set in. Within half an hour that joy was well and truly stamped on. The total grief I felt was all consuming.

I had always felt sympathy for anyone who had suffered from a miscarriage, and unfortunately it happens far too frequently. But I also reasoned that something must have been wrong, it was nature’s way of sorting problems, everything happens for a reason. And then it happened to me and I realised what a load of bullshit that is. I cried, howled even, grieved and yearned for my child. I know I’m one of the lucky ones as I already had two beautiful children, and for that I feel blessed, as many people are unable to have children. The doctor told me I could try again, but as I said, this baby was a surprise and I didn’t just want a baby, I wanted THAT baby.

Seven years on I have come to terms with it, and my life is good. I wouldn’t be able to do the things I do with a young child, so I have to believe in the ‘everything happens for a reason’. Since this happened I have had family members and friends that have had this tragedy happen to them, and at least now I really know what they are going through having walked in the same shoes. Although I would never wish anything bad to happen to anyone, these experiences make us more understanding, empathetic beings which surely can only be a good thing.

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